MY MONTHLY BOOK REPORTS
by Little Speedbump

In JANUARY I read
ROBINSON CARUSO by Daniel Defog

Robinson Caruso is about a man who goes to the beach and likes it so much that he stays for a long time -- kinda like Baywatch but without the babes. One day he found a footprint on the beach that had been there since Friday. He grew a beard and wore a stupid hat. I liked this book but I woulda liked it better if there were babes.


FEBUARY was I shorter month, so I read a shorter book:
THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA by Ernest Herringbone

This is a stupid book about a man who goes fishing but he has hardly any fun at all cuz the fish he tries to catch is smarter than he is, which isn't saying much. My Dad says the fish is supposed to be the hopes and dreams of mankind but that sounds pretty stupid too.


MARCH was a long month so I read
WAR AND PEACE by Leonard Nimoy

War and Peace is a very long book and I read the whole thing. It's about Russia.


My APRIL book report is on
MOBY DICK by Melvin Hermville
(which is much longer than it needs to be)

Boy meets whale. Boy loses whale. Whale gets boy.


MAY
THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS by James Feminine Cooper
who must have been named after his mother

I could hardly wait to write this report.
Amid various tribal conflicts, a small party perambulated the forest toward Fort William Henry. Led by Hawkeye, the consummate frontiersman, the protagonists threaded their way through the thick morning mist. Magua, a displaced Huron indian, absconded with two girls, Cora and Alice. Uncas, the last of his breed, admired Cora's depth of soul and hoped ardently for her rescue. But one of the Huron braves sheathed his knife in Cora's bosom. Uncas lept between the infuriated Magua and his compatriate and became his victim. The patriach Tamenund lifted his voice to bewail the tragic demise of "the last warrior of the wise race of the Mohicans". I liked this story alot.


JUNE, JULY & AUGUST
Jeekers, who reads books during summer vacation?


SEPTEMBER
LORD OF THE DANCE OF THE FLIES
by William Flatley

I didn't need to read this book because we talked about it in class and I saw the stage version on TV. It's about a two gangs of Irish kids who stomp around an island looking for meat and fighting with each other. I suppose they had to do the show with kids instead of real flies because the flies probably had a little trouble keeping in step to the music.


OCTOBER
HEART OF DARKNESS
by Joseph Comrade

This the story of a man who took a boat up a jungle river looking for a fat druggy named Marlin Branflakes who has an ego bigger than Africa. I didn't like this book at all. At the end, the fat guy said it was horrible and he was right.


NOVEMBER
LITTLE WOMEN
by Sandra Day Alcott

I started to read this book because I thought it was gonna be a science fiction story. Then I found out it was about four regular girls. You didn't really expect me to keep reading a book about girls, did you? Yuck.


In DECEMBER I read
THE DIALOGUES OF PLUTO

This book is about a bunch of guys who like boys alot and hang out all day and just chew the fat, except that itís really just one guy named Pluto who must have had multiple personalities or at least herd alot of voices arguing all the time about all sorts of stuff that I didnít understand. It was all Greek to me.