The Attention Deficit Compan
and The Attention Deficit Playhouse
Synopsis: A 67-word abridgement of a 212,758-word tome with a story-line that can be stated in just 9 words: "Boy meets Whale. Boy loses Whale. Whale gets Boy".
Dramatis Personae: Fishmeal, who alone survived to tell the story but forgot all the details; Quahog, the tatooed harpooner; Starkist, the First Mate of the Peepot; a Generic Sailor; Captain Ahole, who has an untreated case of OCD; and Moby, an off-white whale that symbolizes something very profound but nobody knows what.
The Scene: At sea, before jet-skis were invented.
Fishmeal: Call me Fishmeal, or you can call me Johnson, or you can call me ... Quahog (throwing the dice): Oh crap ! Ahole: (Thump, thump ... Hammer, hammer) Starkist: I ain't riskin' my ass for a lousy coin, Thumper, I mean Capt. Ahole Sailor: She rises! It's the Great Off-White Whale ! It's Moby ! Ahole: What, so soon?
(Moby rams the Peepot and it sinks -- but Ahole gets stuck in the blowhole). Starkist (on his way down): I now pronounce you Man and Whale.
(Captain Ahole beckons silently as Moby sounds)
(The orchestra starts playing "The Sound of Silence") Fishmeal (Voice-Over): And I alone survived ... saved by a coffin, which symbolizes something-or-other for sure, but I can't seem to remember ...